I catastrophize everything.
It is always the worst thing in the world, even the simplest little mistake.
It is always the end of a friendship, even if it's just a busy schedule keeping my friend from contacting me.
It is always the end of something, even if it's not.
I have extremely negative self talk.
I am always wrong, even if I'm not.
I always fail, even if I don't; so why try?
I am always along, even if I have family and friends that love me.
That negative self talk and that catastrophizing leads me to isolate myself. To try to prepare the people I meet for the ineveitable failure I will bring. That isolation leads to me feeling alone. That loneliness leads to me feeling I am worthless. That worthlessness leads me to feel like I will fail everyone and everything. That feeling of pending failure leads me to never try.
It is a vicious, dirty circle that I am struggling with. I have a therapist that I visit (not enough) and talk to. I am trying, ever so slowly to break the cycle. And it is hard. So hard.
I fall and fail everyday. I try to pick myself up but, sometimes it's easier to stay down and wallow. I know that the easy path is not the right path for me. I know that the struggle will continue. I know there are other people who have it worse than I do. I know that Mental Health is important.
Today is Mental Health Day. Please take care of yourselves. Seek the help you need. The support you want.